A couple of blonds on vacation...

[FOOOOORE!]

One of my favourites:

Three engineers and three accountants from the same company are taking a train to a conference. The accountants each buy a ticket. Only one engineer buys a ticket. "How's that going to work?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see" says the engineer. They board the train and immediately all three engineers crowd into one of the bathrooms. The conductor comes along, knocks on the door and says "Ticket please!". The door opens a few inches and a hand pokes out with the ticket. The accountants are impressed and agree they will do the same thing on the return trip.

At the train station again, and this time only one accountant buys a ticket. But the engineers don't buy any tickets! "How's that going to work?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see" the engineers reply. As the train leaves the station the three accountants all pack into one bathroom. Right across from them, the three engineers all enter the other bathroom. But as soon as the doors are closed, an engineer comes out of his bathroom, crosses to where the accountants are hiding, knocks on the door and says "Ticket please!"

[FOOOOORE!]

A blonde is bragging to her friend how she finished a 100-piece jigsaw puzzle in only three weeks. Her friend says "Three weeks? I'm sorry, but I just don't find that very impressive." The blonde replies "C'mon! Right on the box it says 4-6 years!"

[FOOOOORE!]

What do you call a blonde skeleton you find in a closet?

1992's Hide & Seek Champion.

[FOOOOORE!]

A young woman travels to Hollywood, hoping to become an actress. A month goes by with no success, and she's running out of money. So she goes out to one of the wealthy neighborhoods, knocking on doors, looking for yard work she can do to earn money. She knocks on a door and a man opens it. She explains what she's doing and he tells her he doesn't need anything done. His wife hears everything and says "Fred, what about the porch? That's needed painting since last year!" "Oh yeah," he says "Well, here's the can of white paint I bought, and a brush. If you can paint the whole thing this afternoon, I'll give you $20." The woman accepts this offer, but once she leaves the front door his wife says "Fred, that's not right! $20? That porch goes all along the side of the house, it'll take her six hours!" "Well, too bad! She accepted it."

In less than an hour, the woman is knocking on the door again. "You're finished already?" says Fred, scratching his head. "All done! And there was enough paint to put a second coat on it. And by the way, that's a Ferrari, not a Porsche."

[FOOOOORE!]

Two guys were hiking in the woods when they spotted a bear headed towards them, about 100 yds away. One of the guys quickly takes off his heavy hiking boots and puts on a pair of sneakers from his backpack. "What are you doing??" says the other guy. "You can't outrun a bear!" "I don't need to outrun the bear," he replies, "I just need to run faster than you."

[Jimbo]

Mygawd-politically correct! We're all going to hell!

[Danny D]

This is a sad story of how depression can haunt a man:
Marcel had become sick and tired of the world, of Covid 19, Brexit, Russian belligerence, global warming, racial tensions, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy today's media headlines.
Marcel drove his car into his garage, sealed every doorway and window as best he could, got back into his car, rolled down all the windows, selected his favorite radio station, and started the car.
Four days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services, and they broke in, pulling Marcel from the car. Amazingly, a little sip of water, and he was in perfect condition...
However, his Tesla did have a dead battery!

[FOOOOORE!]

Early one morning a mother went to wake up her son.
"Wake up, son.
It's time to go to school!"
"Buy why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I *should* go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!"

[FOOOOORE!]

A new teacher stands in front of her primary school class on the first day. She took some psychology courses in college, and decides to put some of this knowledge into practice. "Class: If anyone feels they are stupid, please stand up right now". No one moves, but after 30 seconds or so, Little Johnny stands up. "Johnny, do you feel you are stupid?" she asks. "No, ma'am, but I didn't like to see you standing there all by yourself."

[FOOOOORE!]

The neighbor looks over the fence and sees Little Johnny digging a hole in the back yard. "What are you doing, Johnny?" "I'm burying my dead goldfish" he replies. "I'm really sorry to hear that, but that's a big hole just for a goldfish", she says. "That's because the goldfish is inside your cat", he replies.