Reminds me of a joke:

[Andy]

8 jun 23.gif (44.11 KiB) Viewed 6303 times

[Danny D]

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?" "Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."
I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?" "Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."

[Danny D]

Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early on Christmas morning."
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the links. The first guy says, "Boy, this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."
Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
Number 3 guy says " Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."
They all turn to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I patted my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' and she said, 'Take your sweater, looks like it might be windy out there'."

[FOOOOORE!]

Speaking of golf jokes-normally you can play golf on Vancouver Island all year....SURPRISE!

That's my half-brother on the right, played Dec. 23 & 24 in 2015 in Ottawa of all places. That's not going to happen very often.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/o ... -1.3378986

[FOOOOORE!]

Warning: Maybe NSFW! A guy was in a terrible accident and his John Thomas was going to be amputated. The surgeons advised him he could have a normal replacement excised from a deceased donor, or he could participate in an experimental procedure and have an elephant's trunk grafted on. He thought about it for a while, and all he could think was "Imagine the size!! Why would I settle for normal again?", so he finally agreed to this procedure. A few months later, everything had healed smoothly, and now was the time to "mingle socially". He asked a woman out on a dinner date at a good restaurant, and everything was going perfectly as they waited for the main course to be served. Suddenly, the elephant's trunk lowered his fly, snaked up over the table top, grabbed a fresh dinner roll, and then disappeared back into his underpants. He was acutely embarrassed, and apologized to his date, fearing she would immediately stand up and walk out on him. He was shocked when she told him she was very impressed by this bizarre display, and asked him to do it again. Sadly, he had to tell her there was no more room up his butt for another dinner roll..